Today is the last day of this year. It's hard to believe that I find that a little sad. I thought all I'd feel is excited for it to be over and for a year afresh to be at my feet. But among that excitement is an unmistakable sadness.
I feel I have to bid farewell to what my life used to be. To admit that in the year to come, I will never once get to speak to my husband, hear him play or sing, or watch him with his daughters. No, this year will be void of John, and with each passing day the memories of him will only grow dimmer. I can resolve to mention him often, play the cd of his music every day, hang his pictures, and keep his clothes in his closet. But none of this will change the fact that he won't be coming back. His daughters will continue to change and grow into phases he'll never experience, and I will go on caring for them as a single parent with a broken heart.
But, while I can recognize this sadness and accept it as reality, I will not allow it to define me or the year to come. No, the promise of God's continued love, compassion, hope, plans, and joy for me will sustain me and give me a reason to celebrate the new year that is upon us. I will allow Jeremiah 29:11 to sink in through all the layers of my skin until it seeps into my soul and fills me with the hopeful expectation for the future that can only come from God.
Happy New Year!
Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.
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